I am Team Fortress 2

[Team Fortress 2]

Hello. It is I, your favorite game Team Fortress 2. In between the waning of my conciousness and illusions of grandeur, I play as Demoman Homer Simpson on the Blackwonder cp_orange 100% crit servers.

I am here today to tell you about the new updates coming to Team Fortress 2.

1. Comic #7 is out now. The Spy and Scout's mother have a loving relationship. A red spy in the base then wrecks havok so the spy has to come in for work only for the Soldier to blast his head off with a shotgun. The End.
2. The Huo Long Heater's flame radius has been tripled and has the effect of instantly disintegrating any spies that touch it. In exchange, it now has poopy marks on the face.
3. The Quickiebomb Launcher now has 32 bombs in the chamber and fires them all out instantly. In exchange, the Spy has to pay alimony to Scout's mother.
4. Random Crits now scale with total time played scaling at a total of 100% crits at 10k hours in TF2. This can also be bought in the Mann Co store for a low price of $2.99!
5. More shitty cosmetic box loot crates lol