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Goodbye Blackwonder

Noctis

Sufficiently Lethal
Joined
Jan 17, 2018
Messages
135
Steam
76561198267027715
Wow, I thought the day would never come, a day where I would stand here and say goodbye to everyone and Blackw:blackwonder:nder.

In recent terms, I'm going to be off for a couple days, weeks, months or hell, even years. I'm trying to be a better person, and games isn't going to solve it, so I'm going to separate myself from the community for now. I'm going to restrain myself/ban myself from technology alone, it's killing me.

- Why am I doing all of this?
I'm doing this for the better of my personality, mentality, and physical body, games are just corroding away at me, chipping away at me slowly and I want to become a better person, start getting involved in the real world.

- Why is this all happening?
This is all happening due to:
- Family issues
- School (Grades, Exams, Graduation, Driving)
- Disconnection of friends
- Depression

My family and I, we get along well, my mom is the overboss here, things have not been turning out great for her, she almost died today on Mother's day due to our carelessness of a tree falling near her head, a tragic event that is going to traumatize me, I now have more expectations and my grades are dropping.
I'm slowly losing contact with my real friends, gaining weight now, back then I was training the hardest I could to beat it, and the games are just killing me.
My depression is getting back at me, and hell, even I know this, most people aren't aware of their own depression.
What's the cause: Sad songs, family issues, thoughts of failure, losing one of the BLW members or staff, school and stress.
Hell at one point, I almost broke my mind trying to not to lose to the depression where I almost thought about cutting myself to relieve the pain, like during this night.
Overall, I'm losing myself, and I have to focus on my grades, if I don't, I will be a failure.

- What do you think of yourself?
Well, so far, my thoughts are getting to me, thinking of what I want to be, I wanted to be an admin for the BLW community, but sadly, I know that dream would never come true, I don't have the potential, enough time, too much stress, too much work, and mostly overall, my behavior.
I want to focus on my real goal: Myself.
A man is himself, nothing can break him if he trains, works hard, tries, and mostly overall, helps others.
I am a helpful man, but also very stupid, very lost sometimes, I know what to do, but overall, I am a mix between the two, I can be funny, I can have actual thoughts of the real world and apply it here and make people happy and I'm smart...? I guess?


So this is it, goodbye Blackwonder and goodbye everyone, I love you all:

Warrak, keep those reports coming, you're a great dude to this community
Pan Pan, keep being weird and funny, make sure you're active.
Gibus, make sure Warrak is being a good boi, I also don't want to lose you, you and Warrak are the two coolest reporters here.
Cammy, you keep being awesome, don't ever listen to me, I'm only a dumb twat who spats stuff, I'm sorry you had to listen to some of my rambling.
Normie/Norman, don't you ever dare stop being the cool kid in the server now, you're a great cause to this server and always put a smile on my face, you're almost like a little brother to me, one I can relate to.
JARATE_M8, you keep being cool and funny, keep those jokes coming, and make sure to make us laugh!
Tax Fraud, you're a great asset the community, you help out in times of need and you're a cool guy to hang around the server.
Benedevil, one of the coolest and best owners of a long lasting community server, may you keep on being you, cool and awesome to the very limits of the sky and everyone's enjoyment.


Everyone that is a staff member, I love you all, I don't care if you punished me, or some I don't even know, it was the right thing, you all keep being awesome and rise to the tops!
Jim, Shadow Mario, Wanka, Vick, Broken, Herald11, Cake, Pkay, Furdoid, Alex-Ario, Noodl, Noodle Ball, Rainbowbob, and Steve Harvey Oswald, and even other admins/mods I see alot, you were my favorites out of the bunch, always active and goofy, pretty fun people.
*No I didn't get banned*


And to everyone else and others I didn't mention!

With this, I depart, I love you all, have a great time without me, goodbye everyone and goodbye Blackw:blackwonder:nder.

Edit: I hope I was a great cause to the server, I may not have done as much, but I hope I was a great help. I don't care what you think of me, be it positive or negative, I still love everyone here, even if you are my enemies, I forgive you.

EDIT2: I don't want people to think that I made this for attention or for an experiment, but lately, my depression is getting worse and worse, I'll provide all the details:
During my 1st period, when someone mentions the words or mentions something of these: Lonely, Love, Depression.
I always feel so dark inside and I start to cry, one, because I think of how lonely I will be, two, I think that I will be incompatible to find a partner. and three, I am always messing things up, and I think I can recover, but it will take some time for me. I almost thought about cutting myself again, I need help, mostly someone who can help me in Discord. I think I'm almost pushing myself to the boundaries of my mind and my mentality is getting worse.
Feel free to DM me on Discord: Nowi#9351
 
Last edited:

Gibus

Face Melting
Staff member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
476
Steam
76561198304859311
Farewell, hope your situation gets better and hope to see you again. Your memory will live on here in this community.
 

Warrak

Totally Ordinary
Joined
Oct 24, 2016
Messages
431
Steam
76561198331696426
I bid you a honest farewell, I hope that we may be able to connect in the future in time.

I want you to go on out there and knock it out of the ball park. I'm rooting for you.
 
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Jim

Cutiepie <3
Joined
Dec 3, 2016
Messages
2,154
Steam
76561198181925323
Talk to a professional or someone you can confide in. Letting someone else know what's going on and how you feel who isn't directly involved is extremely healthy and helpful.

Take whatever time off you need.
 

Derpachu

Mildly Menacing
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
50
Steam
76561198132627435
Even though I don't know you, I'd give my respect on the report on where you reported 4-5 people then after you filed a report, you got assaulted by one person in the forums (I forgot where it is) which gave my respect to you.


I know depression is hard and school and FAM issues and other personal stuff, but if you put your passion (which is, [insert you like to do here]), you'll reach to your goals, DO NOT LOSE yourself in the problems life gives you, its the thing that makes you a man/woman who can stand strong and endure the obstacles in their futures - the world. (Tl;Dr, no pain = no gain)

As for you and the Blackwonder Community, who knows you might come back, who knows you'll reach your goals and when you look at the past you still remember the name: "Blackwonder" Who knows all on the future you make? You. You make your future, and don't stop just because some yellow idiot rat told you to not leave blackwonder seriously though, please come back someday
 

spacedude997

Wicked Nasty
Joined
Jul 8, 2018
Messages
315
Steam
76561198236284774
Take all the time you need my man.
And my only advice is to talk to people you can trust, be more open. Or at least start a with a therapist of some kind, it does help and I'm speaking from some experience albeit not as horrendous as yours.
 

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